i'm not feeling creative enough to write my own original humour, so ya'll should be satisfied with this lovely bit of monty python!

enjoy, it's worthwhile reading it through until the bottom.

Second Bruce	Goodday, Bruce!
First Bruce	Oh, Hello Bruce!
Third Bruce	How are yer Bruce?
First Bruce	Bit crook, Bruce.
Second Bruce	Where's Bruce?
First Bruce	He's not here, Bruce.
Third Bruce	Blimey, s'hot in here, Bruce.
First Bruce	S'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
Second Bruce	That's a strange expression, Bruce.
First Bruce	Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. S'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in 'ere, your Majesty,' he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
Third Bruce	She's a good Sheila, Bruce and not at all stuck up.
Second Bruce	Ah, here comes the Bossfella now! - how are you, Bruce?
	Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael
Fourth Bruce	Goodday, Bruce, Hello Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a chap from pommie land... who'll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolamaloo.
All	Goodday.
Fourth Bruce	Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce.
First Bruce	Is your name not Bruce, then?
Michael	No, it's Michael.
Second Bruce	That's going to cause a little confusion.
Third Bruce	Mind if we call you 'Bruce' to keep it clear?
Fourth Bruce	Well, Gentlemen, I think we'd better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I'll ask the padre for a prayer.
	First Bruce snaps a plastic dog-collar round his neck. They all lower their heads.
First Bruce	Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen!!
All	Amen!
Fourth Bruce	Crack the tubes, right! (Third Bruce starts opening beer cans) Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department.
Second Bruce	I'd like to welcome the pommy bastard to God's own earth, and I'd like to remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
All	Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce	Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheepdip.
Third Bruce	What's does new Bruce teach?
Fourth Bruce	New Bruce will be teaching political science - Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benet.
Second Bruce	Those are cricketers, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce	Oh, spit!
Third Bruce	Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce	In addition, as he's going to be teaching politics, I've told him he's welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong.
	They all stand up.
All	Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. Amen!
	They sit down.
Fourth Bruce	Any questions?
Second Bruce	New Bruce - are you a pooftah?
Fourth Bruce	Are you a pooftah?
Michael	No!
Fourth Bruce	No right, well gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules: Rule one - no pooftahs. Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever - if there's anybody watching. Rule three - no pooftahs. Rule four - I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out. Rule five - no pooftahs. Rule six - there is no rule six! Rule seven - no pooftahs. That concludes the reading of the rules, Bruce.
First Bruce	This here's the wattle - the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle or you can hold it in your hand.
All	Amen!
Fourth Bruce	Gentlemen, at six o'clock I want every man-Bruce of you in the Sydney Harbour Bridge room to take a glass of sherry with the flying philosopher, Bruce, and I call upon you, padre, to close the meeting with a prayer.
First Bruce	Oh Lord, we beseech thee etc. etc. etc., Amen.
All	Amen!