Cat Fight?

You say you're not acting like yourself.
This isn't you, it's somebody else.
Why do I feel bad when I realize
that the somebody else is actually me?
And when I'm not myself,
I'm actually you.
And yet when I'm you,
I'm the most like me,
overtired and jazzed on coffee and love.
Am I then, as we call it,
a "Copy Cat"?
Everybody wants to be a cat.
But I want to be the only
phat cat in town.
Move on over hot stuff.
I've arrived and I'm ready
for a wild night.
It's time to run.
This pack needs a new leader
to shake it up,
make it fun.
I slide in like butter
on a hot toasty biscuit.
You can stay and fight
but do you want to risk it?

Wait.

I am no fighter.
Just want my spot in the sun.
I stretch a little,
let you think you've won.
It takes two to fight
as well as dance.
And i'd rather dance.
Enjoy my night.
So let's tango away,
groove it on out.
We're both here to stay,
claws don't need to come out.
Turn on that music
shake a tail feather with me.
It's gonna be a party
celebrating the breakthrough
of you and me.

Grande Coffee with Soy Milk & Sugar

I shake.
I tremble.
I shudder.
But not in fear.
Loathsome coffee,
why do I feel
I can drink you
without detriment?
Medicinally
you work wonders.
Yet your side effects
cause symptoms
similar to a disorder
that I'd prefer I didn't have.
Aphrodisiac you are not.
Still, I am drawn to you
like a horse drawn to water.
I fool myself into thinking
just this once
I will be fine.
Just this once
my mind will remain calm.
My heart will remain still.
And I will resist the urge
to jump out of my skin.
And yet again,
just this once
I am not invincible
to your devious consequences.
Again and again I succumb.
Futile in my attempts to defeat
the powerful effects
of caffeine on my nerves.
And so day by day
while you may
win the battle
the war is far from over.
Incorporeal and inanimate though you are
I warn you,
Watch Your Back.
For I will be brewing.
A witch's brew of sorts.
Fine herbs and fruit essence for me.
In a seive.
In a pot
where you no longer belong.

Lesson #s 17 + 18

#17- clean counters (even with stuff on them), and closed cabinet doors make a kitchen seem bigger and cleaner. And I know that sounds all Martha Stewarty, but it's terribly true. Try it!

#18- Don't sneeze while banging in a nail.

Lesson #s 15 + 16

#15- When one is paid hourly, it is very easy to overwork. "Well I'm making x amount more than I usually do, and I really need the money." STOP! Don't do this. all your going to do is overwork yourself. The pay off is almost always not as great as you may wish. All you end up doing is teaching your boss that you can always be there, and can always work, and you will be tired and never have time for yourself. Practice firm, but flexible sounding responses. Such as "On occasion I am happy to stay later if I have advance notice, however, today I need to do something else."

#16- It's really hard to unzip a dress while sneezing.

One Hot Grandma!

Last weekend I was in Bklyn visiting my aunt and my Grandma. While in synagogue my grandma and I were chatting between sections of the prayer service. When I showed her the next page she said to me "Oh, I'm sorry I was distracted." I replied, "could you have been distracted by the handsome (and single) Rabbi So and So?" "Well your grandfather was more handsome" she said. "Sure, but Rabbi So and So knows how to make a mean Kiddush" I countered. "And I heard he knows how to cut a challah" added Grandma.

Lesson #s 13 + 14

#13- When a child is used to 24/7 attention he/ she can easily learn to misread emotions. That if your attention strays from him/her, he/she will think you are angry with him. Give children time to play by themselves. Allow them to learn to entertain themselves, spend time alone. Teach them to be sensitive, but not to be upset about every facial expression that is not a smile.

#14- Kids books are the best, don't let anyone tell you different!

Lesson #s 11 + 12

#11- What we often feel we are entitled to we are not in fact entitled to. For example, we may feel we are entitled to explain our actions to someone, however, at that point we may have emotionally hurt that person and have lost our right to explanation.

#12- Often we remember too late that dessert is the wrong choice.